Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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