I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
