My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
