You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
