u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
