btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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