Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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