Non-Jews are for practice
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
