I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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