I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
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just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
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gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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