i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
