Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
