Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
dude. I can hear the air.
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