Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
