Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
