Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
