Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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