She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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