stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
