she woke up with a sticky ear
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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