so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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