So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
