i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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