The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
