waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
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Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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