There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
