So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so let's talk penis.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
