I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
