he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
