really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
