i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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