I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
