once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
