I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
