Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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