I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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