sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
