He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
