margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
