things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize