ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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