is your mom at the bar?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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