At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
