if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
