piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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