I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
