you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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