Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
