I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I had to cum in my sink.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
