i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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