i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
