Porn is love you can see.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
