Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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