Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
