the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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