Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
