I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Let's paint friendship bongs
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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