He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
