Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
