I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
