ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
