Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
