i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize