I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
