This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
