I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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